This is an article I first posted to my Myspace blog on Mother’s Day 2006. Since that time and to this day, I still continue to receive heartfelt thanks from those who read it and are receiving authentic emotional healing from it.
Our Mother is a vital, critical part of our emotional make up. How she treated us, how she interacted with us. How she loved us and more importantly how loved or unloved we felt by her.
Many people have told me they read the article every day, and use it as a healing Mother Meditation. It is my honor and pleasure to share this painful, true story with you. You see, I lived it too, and this was story I wrote for myself and chose to share with the world. Let your heart be healed today…
Saturday, May 13, 2006
For Those Who’ve Never Had a Mother…
Copyright Stacie R. Cole, 2006
I’m not specifically talking to those who “just don’t get along” with their mothers…and occasionally have times when they don’t speak to each other. At the end of the day, you do have that sense of the maternal looking out for you, whether you agree with her or not…
You still have a Mother.
I’m not necessarily talking to those whose mothers gave them up for adoption, and then they got adopted by a woman who raised them as their mother. While your heart may grieve and wonder why your birth mother gave you away, the truth is…
You still have a Mother.
I’m not speaking to those who had a loving mother, and then lost her to disease, or a car accident, or some other tragedy. While your grief and sense of loss may be unbearable at times…
You still have and had a Mother.
I’m not talking to those who were raised by another family member as their mother. And, while you feel that the deception around it may be difficult to forgive, at least people around you cared enough to make sure you had someone to raise you as your “Mom”…
You still have a Mother.
No, I’m talking to those like me. Those who were raised by a woman they know to be their biological mother. And yet, somehow, and for some reason, she did not ever want you, make you feel safe, or let you know you are accepted and loved.
She’s made it clear that you are and were nothing but a burden in her life. She’s let you know under no uncertain terms that she regrets having had you, and kept you. This is confusing to you, because you are a good, healthy, intelligent kid. You don’t know why she doesn’t love you.
So you try and try for years and years to melt the coldness in her eyes and have her at least once SEE you and acknowledge you as a valuable being. But she cannot and will not do it. Later, you realize, after much counseling that it is because of her and not you.
There is a certain sense of being unsettled when you know as a child that your own mother does not love you or want you. That she has chosen to project all of her displeasure with her own life onto you personally, an innocent child. When you know throughout your entire life that the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally simply hates you…it changes you forever.
Sure, it’s hard with the Father archetype as well, but men are like that so we just sort of as a world society almost pass that off as men’s nature. But, without a mother…it’s like you never can quite get the sense that you are safe in the world. Or that you even belong in it….
So you watch other people go after their dreams, while you search around for that sense of self and grounded-ness that having a mother provides. You can never seem to get “warm” enough, no matter how many layers of socks you put on, soup you consume, or logs you put on the flame.
No, we are a different breed altogether. We must find our own sense of self, within the self. So, I want you to pretend for just a moment…and really see if you can do this, because I have a message for you…
Pretend I am your Mother…your true Mother, who got separated from you somehow and you ended up with that wicked woman lying to you.
Forget about her for a second, and pretend…for I have a message for you, My Beautiful Child…
I am so proud of you, My Beloved Child.
I always wanted you, and I’m so joyful that you are in the world!!
All I’ve ever wanted was to see you happy, healthy, and living out your dreams.
My heart lights up whenever you enter the room.
I am always with you, every second of every hour, even in the darkest ones.
Whenever you miss me, I will appear. Just lie down, and breathe deeply, and feel my fingers caressing your head and moving through your hair.
I am holding you in my arms and singing you to sleep.
You are totally safe with me, and I love you unconditionally.
My Beloved Child, My Blessed Child.
You are warm in my embrace.
You are sheltered by my protective Mother instincts.
When you step onto the soft green grass, I am there holding you up.
When you walk along the sandy beach, you are sinking into my grounded-ness.
When you smell any flowers, that is my perfume tickling your sense of humor, for we laugh a lot, My Child and Me…
When you touch an oak tree, that is my strength, transferring to you, and spreading out below the surface, deep into the earth. Unshakeable, honorable, and in integrity. I give this unwavering strength and courage to you freely, and the supply is infinite…
I love you without measure. You are perfect, and beautiful. You are the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for. I am always with you…
So be at peace, and move out into the world with confidence, for I am always here to support you.
I love you always,